“This place is full of hippies! It’s awful!” I emailed my ex-boyfriend, Tom, back in 2008. I was in Dharamsala, home of the Dalai Lama. I wasn’t interested in Buddhism and I was only up in this village because I had met other travellers heading there. Fast forward six years and I am now writing a blog post about my transition to Buddhism. I would never have predicted it!
2012 has been a year of realisation and self-development, of recognising my faults and of making many mistakes.
I have been reading and learning about the ego, and discovering that many of us let our ego (or our sense of identity) dictate our lives. We have strong opinions: we are ‘for’ or ‘against’ this or that, and we love or hate this or that, thereby creating a strong sense of self. We defend our opinions, no matter how trivial because these opinions give us that sense of identity. The fear of losing this identity often makes us defensive, aggressive and need to be correct.
These ego patterns often rule my life and my relationships with other people. When I feel insecure, or my partner doesn’t have opinions which meet my approval, my ego’s response is to attack, or to manipulate to try to persuade the other person to change their behaviour or opinion. The ego believes that through negativity it can manipulate reality to get what it wants.